Wish and you can be happy

A few young professionals want to know if one could be really happy and content in today’s world where one has ‘fast lifestyle and cut-throat competition’ as well as ‘a huge amount of stress’ to deal with.

The fundamentals of life don’t change with time. As years go by, our lifestyles may witness transformations but qualities of life stay constant. Before we dwell on the question, I would like to share a link where you can read about my observations as a life trainer. The series — aimed at professionals in particular and people in general — is titled Art of Leaving. It may prove useful.

http://www.speakingtree.in/public/chandrashekharwelankar/blog

Back to the question. In our lives, we need to clearly distinguish between the things we can control and those we have no direct control over.

We can’t really do much about the things we cannot directly control. For instance, a reckless driver runs over pedestrians on a busy road or some mentally unsound person opens fire indiscriminately. Such incidents are indeed shocking and disturbing but we cannot read what’s going on in one’s mind, can we? That is beyond our control. However, we can ensure that we don’t drive our vehicles recklessly or we don’t cause any harm to others by our actions. That is totally in our control.

Another important aspect is, regarding things over which we apparently have no control, we can do our bit to make sure that we don’t add to their uncontrollability.  For example, we may not stop people from flouting traffic norms but we can follow all the road rules diligently ourselves. Similarly, we cannot control carbon footprints globally but we can make sure that we leave behind minimum carbon footprints ourselves.

There is hardly any point brooding over things we cannot control. At the same time, we can and should do justice to those that lie within our reach. ‘Fast lifestyle and cutthroat competition’ are the things we have to deal with, come what may. Let’s do it in a wise and systematic way.

Our efforts to control things, which, by their very nature cannot be controlled, result in stress. The more such efforts the more stress. We need to find ways to put things in perspective. Art of Leaving that I referred to above discusses various aspects pertaining to our approach in details.

It is up to us to make the most of what we have. Happiness and contentment depend on the way we look at life. These are states of mind.

Consider this. We are expecting a profit of, say, Rs 10,000 in a deal and we actually have a profit of, say, Rs 6,000. In such a scenario, it is our choice to be happy and content over registering profit and not incurring any loss or be unhappy and not content over not getting the expected amount.

The question is, do we want to be happy and content? If the answer is yes — and it is for almost all of us, we need to put a congenial course of action in place. If we wish, we can be happy. Mark the words. I am not saying if we wish, we WILL be happy; I am saying, if we wish, we CAN be happy.

We are able to be happy. All that matters is exploiting that ability to its fullest. Prudent approach, plausible action plan and perfect execution of the plan hold the key. Let’s do it and achieve our goal.

—  Chandrashekhar

Respect age, revere experience

This girl has got a good job offer but wants to try her hand at entrepreneurship. Her father, an official, opposes the idea. ‘He says there’s no risk involved in the job. I don’t want to directly confront him, as I respect him. How do I convince him?’ she asks.

Your father is saying so out of his concern and love for you. He has been moving in his life in a certain direction and naturally, his opinions are based on the experience he has had all these years. From his point of view, he is right.

Talking about parents in particular and elderly people in general, we need to take into account two major dimensions: age and experience.

For their age, we must respect them always and all ways. We should offer them a seat if we are sitting and they have no place to sit; help them — whenever we can — carry out their tasks if we notice that they are finding it difficult; talk to them nicely and never insult them and so on. The age dimension ends here. As you may have noticed, these are all basic manners, etiquettes and courtesy.

The dimension of experience is vital. As we grow, nature is interested in us only up to a point. Then on, it’s up to an individual to grow. That is the reason why we may come across people — even in our own circles — who’ve grown physically and not evolved mentally or intellectually.

Experience hones mental and intellectual aspects. We can only ‘think’ about the things we ‘know’ and we can know for sure when we ‘experience’. There is no substitute to the knowledge we gain through experience. It paves the way for growth.

Experiential knowledge is based on various factors such as times we are born and grow up in, situations we go through, challenges we take up, people we interact and transact with et al. Time we are born and grow up in, isn’t in our hands but the rest of the things are.

Also, though the time when we are born and grow up in is not in our hands, it is in our hands to grow up with time. We will always grow if we keep pace with time and if we fail to do so, we will stagnate.

Your father will think through his experiences of life. You can’t expect him to digest your bold and adventurous moves. His growing up years may have been influenced by concepts like ‘job security’, ‘savings for future’ (The saving index has dropped over the years worldwide, and how!), ‘post-retirement plans’ and so on. He may never have tried to test new winds; not because he didn’t have the strength in his wings but his thinking might not have been as adventurous and as bold as that of your generation.

You’ve asked, ‘I don’t want to directly confront him, as I respect him. How do I convince him?’ 

Confrontation sounds too harsh a word here. Look at it in a positive way. You don’t have to confront him but assert yourself. The question is, how strong your resolve is and how prepared you are to take things forward in the right direction. You alone can know it and no one else.  Listen to your heart and do what it says. Following your heart doesn’t mean showing disrespect to others unless it directly harms their well-being.

It may be very difficult to convince him, if not impossible.  There will be a great deal of resistance from him to your ideas. Be ready for it. If you are honest and sincere, your honesty and sincerity will go across and he will emerge as one of your strongest supporters.

— Chandrashekhar